Tuesday, 27 November 2012

fearful child, have faith in brighter days

I'm not even going to formally address the fact that I haven't been writing on here much anymore. I'm busy. That's kind of it. I've also been putting off properly writing about university because honestly, it's not an easy post to write.

All I know is that the months past few months have been, for the most part, good. I feel like I know who I am a lot more than when I left college. Unfortunately, that also means that while the post-college haze has been clearing, I've slowly been realising lots of things. I've had to seek help from lots of different people recently, and that feels very strange.

So what have I learnt? Primarily, I've learnt that I don't want to continue with my current degree. I love Spanish as a language and I've met some lovely people through my course, but it just isn't right for me. I also like Linguistics (and the department is great) but dropping to single honours Linguistics and Phonetics significantly narrows my career prospects, plus I'm not particularly thrilled by the idea of doing that anyway. I'm still trying to figure out what I do want to do, but I think the fact that I'm writing all of this down says a lot. 

Truthfully, I think most people are really struggling to keep up with everything at the moment, and those who aren't are either massively gifted or not really doing enough. It feels very strange working on coursework for a course that I know I won't continue, but that's just how it is. 

It's scary not really knowing what you want. When I decided on Spanish as a degree, I was still at college, feeling (and being treated like) absolute crap and languages were fun. It was easy to say ''well that's what I'll do then'' because languages, and the MFL department, were where I felt 'safe'. Now I've distanced myself from all of that, I think I'm actually going back to a few years ago where I could clearly define the things I was interested in. 

While I'm trying to figure out where I'm going, I'm also trying to focus on the good things. Things like...

The last event on my autumn/winter 2012 comedy schedule... Seeing and meeting the fantastic Josh Widdicombe (and the unexpected yet fabulous Suzi Ruffell) on the 14th. I laughed so hard that my poor stomach thought I had an illness. Brilliant and highly recommended. The company I had (Poppy and Eliza) also brilliant and recommended. #PoppyplaysMonopolyonatrain #Elizasleepsintheshower 

Sticking with a theme, finally switching round the 'banner' above my desk. Just for people like Poppy, who actually care...
L to R tickets: Russell Howard, Jon Richardson, Daniel Sloss (last year), Mark Watson (2010), Mark Watson (this year), Rhod Gilbert, Josh Widdicombe, Daniel Sloss (this year).
L to R posters: Mark Watson (this year), Alun Cochrane, Daniel Sloss (this year), Josh Widdicombe, Jon Richardson, Mark Watson (2010), Rhod Gilbert. 
Yes, I'm aware there's a gap on the left where ideally another poster would be, but I'm a poster short it would seem. Poppy is rescuing me with a 'spare' she has from when we saw Daniel Sloss last year, and this is why I love my CT. 

I'm aware this is probably the worst photo I've ever taken. It looks a little bit like a photo frame and a glass have just had an argument or something. In reality, it was just tidy for once (and that frame is so big that I can stash things behind it...) The frame will eventually be a chalkboard (when our damn weather allows me to paint it) but the quote will be the same. It may as well say ''I  Josh Groban" because that is one of his many lyrics that I could have quoted as my favourite. It reminds me of Y11, solitary but wonderful drives and that one time Jess and I drove through Ackworth when I dropped her off and we were silent as we listened to his music. 

Lastly, meet my new baby everybody. What can I say? I'd been debating it for months and my laptop pretty much went ''hey, Rachel, I'm tired of this, just do it already'' so when Apple had their sale on Friday I finally gave in. It arrived yesterday (a day early, I might add, bonus points for Apple on that one) and I'm already in love with it. I'm also already convinced that I will never go back to a regular PC. I figured out that it comes with GarageBand pre-installed and if I could describe how excited my dad got when I broke the news, I would, but I genuinely can't. Let's just say ''we'll have to hook my guitar up to it at the weekend'' is now on a loop.

So, to sum up:
Trying to figure out what I want to but also very thankful for the things that have made me smile recently.

SOTD is You Are Young - Keane and, to continue an old but recently forgotten tradition, is also the source of my title. 

I hope everybody is well. What's made you smile recently? Let me know :) 


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