Monday, 31 December 2012

let go of your fears, say happy new year

So it's officially 2013. I don't think it has quite the same ring to it as 2012 did, but we shall see. When I posted about 2011 coming to an end on my old blog last year(?) I also quoted the same song as the title of this post, which I will embed at the bottom of my ramblings for you all, along with Tim Minchin's 'What Was '06 For?' because even though it's way out of date now, it's still pretty damn sensible. Happy new year and all ;)

2012 was a strange year. I imagine I could probably leave this post there and a lot of you would agree. This year, I met two of my all-time favourite comedians, plus a more recent favourite comedian, I received a Diana Award and I started university. There were some brilliant moments that I will remember forever, but as with every year, there were some fairly horrendous moments that I would rather like to forget.

I think I grew as a person a lot in 2012. When I left school in 2010 it felt terrifying being out in the big, wide world and starting college... but little did I know that in actual fact, leaving college would be the true start of 'right, you're all alone in this big world, so what are you going to do?' When I left college and started university, it was really the first time I didn't have any of my friends around to depend on when I needed somebody. I somehow managed to muddle my way through my first semester and was lucky enough to meet some lovely people who I like to think are now my friends. 

Particularly in the last quarter of this year, I seem to have adopted the new attitude of ''just go for it''. I made more social plans than in 2011 and found myself confiding in somebody I barely knew, the results of which were a lot more pleasant than I kind of expected. I also found the courage to do things I have needed to do for a long time, but refused to acknowledge... and it's still a scary process, but I know I'll get there in the end. I feel different, and I feel more capable.

While I look back over the year and remember lots of sad moments, I can also be thankful for so many things and so many people. To those who were there in the darkest moments - all of those hours spent crying in the lab over a period of about a week, drives for coffee and late-night FB conversations - you know who you are and I can never tell you how much I value you all. Thank you. 

I'm confident that 2013 will be different. It will be a year of moving away from the past and moving towards the future, towards different people and different memories. I think I'm ready for it, I think I'm ready to be refreshed and different. 

Whoever you are, I hope you can smile when you look back over 2012 and that 2013 will bring you even more smiles.


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